Helping those in Need - A Christmas dream

I have always considered myself a kind person, who is willing to help others. It has always lingered in the back of my mind to do something like joining the peace corps and to make THE big gesture but this was prevented by everyday life and why not admit it: Some fear.

Although we all like to see ourselves as adventurers the truth is, that it is pretty scary to leave all we know and care about behind and to head to South America with merely a backpack on our shoulders. 

But over the course of time I slowly realised that while the big gesture might change the world, a small gesture might change the world for a person. In the wake of Christmas I have there decided to put together some things on how we could help others in our every day life.

It can be some simple thing like talking to the old lady in the supermarket who often goes to get groceries to see other people or helping someone out with spare change when they are at the cashier and realised they have miscalculated. 

It is really quite simple if you start thinking about it. For instance how many of you have ever donated blood? Donating blood is really easy and except a small pinch painless and without any negative impact on our life. So why are so many of us still reluctant to do it? Shouldn't it be something as normal to us as paying our bills or going to the dentist? Think about it, we rigorously pay our bills but we don't make a small effort for something that could save lifes?

The same goes for organ donation. I know that a lot of people who are afraid that if the time comes doctors might be too eager to remove the organs before they are really dead. It takes only a little research to realise that this would never happen since the regulations are quite severe in most countries e.g. there has to be lack a brain activity for 72 h etc. 

So what else can we do to help others? How about donating ones old clothes? A lot of us tend to throw out perfectly good stuff just because it is no longer stylish. Instead of that just check for the closest place for donation. There are dozens of places, including cloth-containers, where you literally can donate 24 h 7 days a week. But be careful since there are some cloth-containers from companies who use them for their own benefit. If you inspect the containers closely however you will see the difference.

In many nursing homes they are constantly looking for people to help "entertain" the elderly residents. This may sound very trivial but for elderly people remaining active is essential and such things as playing board games or doing manuals can ensure that they maintain their agility. So why not going there twice a month to teach them how to knit or to play with them a game of Cluedo?

Of course there are a lot of other possibilities to help other people, but these might be a good start and our reward will be to go to bed each night with the feeling to have done something to improve the world or at least improve one person's life and don't forget the Talmud quote that was engraved in the ring Oskar Schindler received from the Jews he saved:

"Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire."

cell phones on the plane

I guess more than half my readers have just rolled their eyes over this posts title and I know that in many aspects this is a trivial topic,but since it bugs me whenever I board a plane I decided to write about it.

First I would like to confess that I am the first one being "addicted" to my smart phone. I am constantly texting, checking facebook or twitter, listening to music or playing those silly little games. So yes I am one of those people who get cranky when the run out of battery and constantly need to check for messages. I am not proud of it, but I admit it. So I do get the need of using the phone.

That being said I have to say: I truly want to slap people who don't follow the stewardess' in the plane to turn of their phones. I mean seriously: What are you guys thinking?

Trust me the airline is not asking you to turn of the phones to piss you off. They are actually doing this to protect us, because the cell phones can screw up the instruments. It might not cause the plane to crash but it can cause it trouble. I am sure 1 or 2 phones might not do anything but imagine every passenger leaving it on. That would make dozens, if not over 100 phones. What do you think that can do to a plane's instruments?

So I just wonder why people don't turn it off? Is is really that difficult to turn it off for a few hours? Are those people not aware, that they are actually on the plane they are endangering by not being able to turn off the phone for a few hours? If you ask me, I would rather turn off my phone than having it screw up the instruments even by one faint bit, because after all this could be decisive.

I know this rant seems to be out of proportion, but what bugs me most is that I don't understand it. The gain over the potential risk seems ridiculous in comparison. Can anybody really be that dependant on the phone that they would endanger lives for it? Are those people getting a nervous breakdown if they run out of battery or don't have a signal?

It was barely 20 years ago that almost nobody had a cell phone. I can remember that time still pretty good, when only overly self-important people would have one and where having a steady phone in your car was the peak of luxury. Guess what: The world didn't end back then! People used to call each other from a land line or meet up instead of texting.

So please next time you board a plane and the stewardess instructs you to turn off the phone and you are about to ignore her ask yourself: Is it worth it? Keep in mind that by leaving the phone on you are making the first tiny step to get the plane to crash and it is more.

If you are letting a tiny black box rule your life like ths, don't you think you should reconsider some things? I for my part have decided to turn it off at least 3 h a day and guess what: It feels great!

Freedom - Reality or Illusion?

These days in most parts of the world we get to enjoy freedom, at least in those parts where this article might be read.

Of course there are still too many places, where people are truely subdued, no matter if it is by criminals or unlawful regimes, through state terror, censorship or fear. We read about girls being shot for wanting to go to school, people disappearing for critizing the regime and police beating up suspects until they confess to crimes they haven't committed just to stop the torture.

While to most of us this sounds like something from a far away past or far away lands, the reality it that there are many places where this is still happening every day and even in Europe or the US this was barely 1 or 2 generations ago or even less.

This is tragic and horrible and needs to stop now! But this is not what I want to talk about today. Today I want to talk about the freedom we enjoy in what I will call "the western world". Are we enjoying true freedom or is this merely an ilusion?

Most of us are at liberty to choose whom to marry, what job to do and where to live. We can speak our mind without having to fear for our lives and we can trust that the police are truely here to serve and protect. In those aspects we are enjoying freedom. I believe however that with these freedoms we have put ourselves in a different cage, one that most of us aren't even aware of.

The freedom gave us the chance to live a comfortable life, which most of us do but this has led us to value the wrong things. We fear trivial things like our new car being scratched of stolen, we fear not passing our evaluation with our boss and similar things. Therefore we might take the bus instead of our new car or we work unneccessary extra hours instead of watching our daughter's dance recital. We put ourselves in this cage, as if the job or car were the most important things in the world. But are they?

Can't we bring the car to a workshop if is scratched? Can't we find a new job if things came down to us being fired? But our daughter's dance recital will never come back. She will never again be that cute in her ballet outfit and never have the chance to be proud for having danced faultless in front of her parents at the age of 5!

So why do we do this to ourselves? Because with living a comfortable life comes the fear of loosing it. Most of us are so focused on maintaining this comfortable life that we forget to actually live it. All too often people work overly hard during their life that shortly before retirement they have a stroke or a heart attack. Wouldn't it be more sensible to live in the now than always planning for a future that might not come?

Of course we need to be able to provide for our families but there is a line between providing and overdoing it. I am certain that if you ask a five year old if she preferred her father coming to the dance recital over the expensive sneakers, she would always choose her father.

I think what everybody has to ask themselves, whether the next promotion is more important than the people in our life or if the risk of loosing money isn't worth it to try to fullfill lifelong dreams. Because only if we escape the prison of our own fears and doubts and can we truely be free.

Abusive Relationships

When hearing about "abuse in relationships" most people simply think about wife beating husbands. While this is surely the biggest problem when is comes to abuse, there are many other forms of abuse.

Sometimes the roles are reversed and the man is being beaten by the woman. A lot of people will now think that this doesn't happen or that it cannot be the bad, but it is. Although men usually are physically stronger than women the solution is never to retaliate physically. 

First of all most men have a problem with getting abusive against a woman (Which is good thing!!!) even if it is to defend themselves. The other problem these men face is the public humilation. Unfortunately a lot of ignorant people go and ridicule men if they admit to being beaten by their wives. The physical abuse these men experience is the secondary problem, the main problem is the psychological effect. These men feel alone and isolated. The solution, talking about it, often creates a bigger problem for them. We as a society have to understand that these things happen and are real. These men are not wimps, these men are suffering and living in a terrible situation. They deserve the same compassion and support as women that are being beaten. 

Another form of abuse is the psychological abuse, which happens more often than one suspects. Often enough not even the victims are aware that they are being abused. It can start with little things when we avoid doing things just to avoid having a discussion with our partner. The next stage is when we don't do things to avoid our partners reaction, no matter if it is a fight, an action etc. I know a lot of you will think that in a relationship you have to make compromises, but that it not what I am referring to. In a relationship where you are being mentally abused there is always something beneath: Fear! 

It doesn't matter if it is fear of loosing the partner or of something else happening. It often results in emotional blackmail, with sentences like: "I understand that you cannot fix the door frame, I will try it myself and will be careful not to fall down the ladder." Expressions like these apply to the sense of protection and guilt. Of course this is a rather "mild" situation, but when frases like "if you put on more than 20 pounds I would leave you" are said the situation gets serious. This can result in serious health problems such as eathing disorders. 

This sort of abuse can happen in all sort of relationships, not just in romantic relationships. Most of the time none of the parties is consciously aware of it. The line is often very thin between emotional blackmail and a compromise. Sometimes we need to take a step back and look at a our relationships from a different perspective. 

Religion in Modern Society

In my younger years I was quite active in the parish but know this has changed. I was brought up as a catholic but have distant myself from the church due to its often doubtful statements and positions. This doesn't mean that I am an atheist, on the contrary I am now more spiritual than ever, however I don't believe in a church.

For me the catholic church in particular is a bit like the children's game "telephone", where you line up and whisper a sentence in the first person's ear and he whispers it to the next person's ear etc. Until the last person has to say it out loud. In most cases the sentence has been distorted so much that it doesn't even resemble the initial one. In a way I believe that with many religious texts the same thing has happened. It has been many years, since the stories happened and many people have retold the stories and translated them from different languages. It is more than logical to assume that to some degree the original meaning have been distorted.

However for family reasons I go to a service every now and then. For me this is less of a religious act then an act of supporting my famil, so happened recently.

So I started looking around during the prayers and for the first time I realised that almost nobody was paying attention to what they were actually saying. It was more as if they were humming along some song on the radio. This made me wonder, if religion had lost its function in society.

Before you start slashing out at me let me explain. In past times religion fullfilled various purposes in society. Priests would provide the sort counseling we nowadays get from psychotherapists, prayers would give people the hope they get nowadays from playing the lottery and although the churches still provide certain social services a lot of non religious groups have surfaced that provide these just as good. 

It makes you why some people still hold on so tight to religion considering, that if it hits the news it is usually for negative, not to say horrible reasons. So why this need for religion? 

I think this is due to the nature of humans. People say we are different from animals because we have concious thoughts and those lead always to questioning our existence: Where do we come from, where do we go? We humans have tried to answer this question in many ways, no matter if it is philosophy, science or religion they all have the same goal. 

So maybe religion doesn't fullfill a need in society anymore, but for many people is has an important emotional function. Although they don't live a particular religious life most people believe in the idea or life after death because it is comforting to believe that death is not the end. I am not an expert, but isn't this concept something all religions have in common in one way or another? To know that something follows, to know that there is still something humanity has not yet dissected into its atoms. 

Im my opionion this is the essence of any believe. It is not about random rules, duties and certainly not about judging others. Believe is something from within you and doesn't need buildings of stone. Maybe it is time to pull away the layers of the church that have build up over 2000 years and return to its core. 

For those conservative catholics out there, I have a request: Show me, where in the bible it says: Hate the one who is different from you, as I don't recall any such frase and trust me that I read the bible. 

Mental Illness in Society

This is still a very sensible topic and in many ways admitting to have a mental illness is still a big stigma. In my opinion even more of stigma than admitting to having AIDS or any other transmitted disease. The question is why?

I am certain there might be a lot of different ways to approach that question or better the answer to that question, but I have my very own theory.

First of all with a mental illness you don't really see the symptoms. Most people perceive only things they can grasp. With most "physical" illnesses this can include visual things e.g. a rash or an injury or things you can measure with blood tests etc. In most of the cases with mental illnesses you don't have hardly any of these options for testing. So everything people can see is the patient's behavior and that is part of the problem. At least it seems you can only see the behavior, since mental diseases are sometimes caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, but that is a different matter.

As children we were taught: You can control your own behavior! If we assume that is right, then the consequence is to wonder, why people with mental diseases don't simply  pull themselves together and that is where the most common misconception happens. When you have a mental illness no matter if it is depression or something else you cannot control your behavior, which is why it is an illness.

Take depression as an example. People not understanding the background of the illness say things like: "So you are sad, what about it? We all are from time to time, just pull yourself together!" This sounds cruel, but trust me I have heard people following this line of argument and worse often enough. They just don't understand that you cannot pull yourself together. There is no way, if you are suffering from depression. People suffering from this kind of illness are sad without a reason and sometimes even feel like crying and don't even understand why. If you are just sad, there is a reason, because something has upset you, but with depression there is none, at least no emotional reason, the sadness is just there. So the question has to be: How do you cheer yourself up, if the sadness has no apparent reason? The answer is: You can't! Having suffered from depressions myself I can assure you that it is one of the toughest things you can experience, because of how helpless you are, when fighting something you cannot understand without help. Of course you learn how to deal with it, through therapy and on short term medication can help, but you need help, one way or the other. 

What people have to understand is that your behavior is usually more of a reaction than a mere action. Usually you get angry, when someone teases you and you get happy when something good happens. So if you want to avoid getting angry you can avoid people who tease you and usually this is the end of the story. But if your reaction happens without a trigger than there is no way you can control your reaction, because you cannot avoid the trigger.  

A very different illness is OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder. I think this is probably one of the worst things that can happen to you, because of the way it is often portrayed in the media and by ignorant people. Often enough people suffering from this disease are ridiculed for cheap laughs on TV or in the movies. To be honest seeing that sort of things makes me sick, as people suffering from OCD have enough of a hard time battling the condition, without having to worry about what other people might say or think if they find out. 

We all have cravings and urges and should understand that sometimes fighting them is beyond our strength. Take a simple example: Have you ever suffered from chicken pox? Then you know it itches gravely and you are not supposed to scratch. I remember when I had chicken pox that suppressing the urge to scratch was almost impossible. Now imagine having a much stronger urge to, let's say wash your hands. While you know the chicken pox does eventually go away an OCD doesn't simply go away. The people with this condition hardly cannot surpress their urges, although those urges are sometimes even destructive, for instance some people feel the need to wash their hands with bleach to keep them REALLY clean. 

There are many mental diseases, some of them graver than others. While some can be managed in daily life, others require institutionalization. Of course I am no doctor and this is merely scratching the topic but my point is that mental illnesses are very real and that people literally suffer from them. Having a mental illness doesn't have anything to do with being weak or undisciplined; often enough people suffering from mental illnesses are among the strongest people. So people with mental conditions don't deserve our reproach or ridicule, they deserve our help and our compassion, to give them the strength to fight their condition. 

The Modern Human's Error

Most of you will be frowning over the strange title, but  I have been thinking a lot about this post, being a history student and having a somewhat romantic idea about the past.

Let's me start by stating, that despite my romantic idea about the past, I am very grateful to live in modern times, because I am well aware that my idea about the past is bascially that: An idea!

The past was tough land, especially for the poor: They had little to no rights and often enough were missing the most basic things to make life worth living or even bearable. I am not speaking of luxury items, but the things we nowadays easily disregard as "normal" often without consciously acknowledging them, such as shoes, food and heating.

Why is it still so appealing to us? My guess is, as weird as it may sounds is the lack of chances, as weird as it may sound. Take dating as an example. We, the women, have now the option of doing the first the step and we can be more active, which is a great thing, but with the freedom came the problem of choice. Some 50 years ago it was rather simple, because there was just one way: The guy made the first move and if he didn't he wasn't into you, end of story. Now guys have to wonder if the woman hates or likes the old-fashioned approach, if she hasn't done the first step herself because she shy or whatever. The same goes for the women. In the end the variety of options have created a lot of uncertainty, not making dating any easier. 

But the same goes also for the many career choices we have not. I have recently started a new day job and unfortunately this wasn't what I had expected. So I started thnking about modern times in which such things as burn-out syndrome and bullying at work have become mayor issues. While we generally think that it is better nowadays I wonder why we complain so much about things we brought upon ourselves.

You don't even have to go back too far, just take a look at our parents generation. Back then there was no argument about a fullfilling job or anything. A job was there to provide for you and your family, nothing more nothing less. Back then people were happy if they could do a hard work, because it was usually well paid and it meant a more comfortable life for their family.

This and the knowledge that in my homecountry Spain people are being evicted from their homes, because without a steady job they cannot pay their morgue honestly made me feel embarrased and it made realize something:

In the present we complain about a lot of things while we should see those actually as a blessing. We complain about unfulling jobs, while we should be happy, that we at least can try to have a fullfilling job. We are frustrated by modern dating, when we actually should be grateful that we live in a time when we can date whoever we want regardless of gender, religion, social standing or colour. Maybe it'll help us if next time we are frustrated about something like this, we ask ourselves what the situation would have been 100 years ago. 

writing update - #3

After having finished writing the novel and the first round of editing I thought it is about time to post my next writing update. I have to admit I underestimated the part of the work that I am facing now. Since now writing feels actually like work, but you know what is amazing? I love every second of it! It is a good feeling to know that I am approaching my passion with professionalism and it makes me proud.

Right now my novel is in the hands of my valued "test readers" for the second round of editing. Since it is one of the deadly sins for a writer to edit their own novel, because you end up overlooking errors. 

That doesn't mean I am being idle, on the contrary. Lots of my time is now dedicated to preparing the next stage: Trying to sell it! This is a very tedious part as it takes time to browse through countless websides of editors, publishers and agents to see if they are right for me and my book or should I say: If I am right for them? 

Then there is also the issue about professional proof readers. Although I think my grammar and spelling are not bad (particularly in german, which is the language my book is presently written in) I think a professional proof reader will be a good thing, since I want to avoid that spelling errors divert from the actual story. Of course this is also a matter of financial means. 

I have also started to work on the english translation in order to be able to approach a wider range of agents and publishers. The spanish translation is also being worked on (Thank god for family members with lots of time). 

But that is only half the task. The other half is finding out about procedures, dos and donts and how to succeed. But my personal approach is going to be exactly that: Personal! I don't believe in pre-written coverletters but in something original that sticks out, after all I am not trying to sell insurances but a fantasy novel, right?

As you can see I am being extremely busy and hopefully will soon be able to post about the first feedback and good news. 

The Road not Taken

I apologize for not having posted here in such a long time, but as the ones who follow me on twitter might know I am extremely busy editing my novel (which goes so far as to a change of title). In any case this is a post I have been thinking about for quiet some time. 

Being in my midthirties I often think about what I have so far achieved in life and what I dreamt about ten years ago. I am sure you all know these thoughts. When this sort of thoughts comes up you sooner or later reach the point of  "The Road not Taken".  You start wondering if decisions you made years ago were the right ones or if the other road would have been the better choice. 

Lately I wonder about a different thing: What do we actually ask ourselves these questions? If you think about it, it is a pretty useless way of torturing yourself, since it literally doesn't lead anywhere. It doesn't matter if breaking up with your ex six years ago was right or wrong. No only that he or she might be married now, but because as a matter of fact you broke up. No emotional torment is ever going to change that. This goes for everything, from rejected job oportunities, to relationships or business oportunities. And we all know it! 

So the question is, why do we still keep lamenting about it? My theory is, that we do that for two very different reasons. 

First the human being is an egoistic creature. Most of you will now roll with the eyes, but I think it is true and we need to accept it because only if we accept it, we can control this instinct. It is also mainly a good thing if we don't let it out of hand, as it is partly a survival instinct. Only if we take care of ourselves we can survive. But this is not what I was hinting at. Actually what I meant was the fact, that we think so often about roads not taken, because we would like to live out all options in order to find the best one finally choose this one. Isn't it? It is the human nature, yet we all know this is not possible, so why wasting time with the thought of it? 

Second and in my eyes the more important reason is that we are partly masochists, constantly trying to punish ourselves for errors commited in the past. How else can you explain, that we remember things like the first error the teacher marked in our first school test, but cannot remember our boss's birthday even if our life depended on it? Maybe it is about time we forgive ourselves for errors in the past and look ahead instead. Because if we constantly look to the past we won't see what is coming and commit the error we might be able to avoid otherwise. 

I don't want to be all philosophical but these are just some thoughts I wanted to share with all of you and maybe you find this worth a thought of your own.